woman in front of book bound banner in orange shawl and white shirtStepping forward isn’t always as easy as I want it to be. Sometimes stepping forward means that you have to be willing to step through frustration and pain and irritation. I have written my first mini-book, currently titled Expand Your Light! The process of growth and learning started for me in Michelle Prince’s workshop, “Book Bound by the Sea.” The workshop was focused on writing a book! I’ve wanted to write a book for quite a while and attended another seminar on writing a book last fall. My biggest struggle has been trying to figure out what to write about. I have in depth knowledge in so many topics, so I’ve struggled in making the choice. The first frustrating part of this process has been that I don’t typically have a problem with choice!

I entered the weekend thinking I was going to write a book about ‘time’ and being more productive. While I still want to write that book, it didn’t end up being my first book. During the weekend, I had the opportunity to have lunch with two other people attending. One of them asked me what I was doing with my business. I talked about the current services that I’m offering along with how I would like to integrate more spiritual concepts into the technology that I currently deliver, but I wasn’t sure how. After more conversation, one of them shared that my eyes light up when I talk about spirit and the light isn’t there as much when I talk about technology. Now that might seem like no big deal. I already knew that, yet hearing it from someone else who I had only just met… Now that made an impression! In fact, it made such an impression, that I found myself pretty upset and irritated and in a tailspin the rest of the day. I didn’t know what to write about. I wasn’t sure my business is what it’s supposed to be. I was generally just overwhelmed and frustrated. I spent the rest of that day in a funk.

What is Surrender?

One of Webster’s Definitions is “to give (oneself) over to something (such as an influence)”.

On Sunday morning, I decided that I just needed to meditate and ask my Masters and Guides what I was supposed to write about. I had come to the conclusion that if I didn’t know, I would just surrender and trust to be led to be in Service. So, I asked in my meditation, what is the topic that I am supposed to write a mini-book about to be the business card for my business. What I received was the concept of “Self-Care for Lightworkers”. Hmm… OK, now what was I supposed to do with that? It didn’t seem to fit into my business, but in that moment, I just decided ‘Fine, I’ll write the book!’.

So, over the next weeks, I kept my commitment and I wrote the book. I was frustrated and scared and irritated and short with my family. My partner kept asking me what was wrong. I didn’t know, I just knew that writing the book was requiring me to step forward with persistence even though I had no idea how things were going to fit together. My frustration came to a boiling point when I had to share the book with some friends to request that they edit the book. I finally broke down and just cried. I was so scared to share what I had written with others. Would they like it? Would they get it? Does it even have value? Does it make sense? Those were all things that my mind was bringing up as reasons that I should not make the request. I stepped forward with courage and shared it anyway! Sometimes you just have to do what you don’t want to because you know it’s the right thing. Once I shared it, I realized that it doesn’t really matter if they like it or not. I know that I need to share it and I know that someone will benefit!

Finally, my partner and I sat down to write the ‘About the Author’ section for the book. I was dreading it for a whole bunch of reasons, yet to my surprise when we completed it, my energy had shifted. Writing the ‘About the Author’ was the glue that pulled everything together! Surprise! Sometimes you just never know when things will shift and how they will come together.

What is Courage?

Webster’s Definition is “mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty”.

Growth and change isn’t always easy. It takes persistence. It takes action. It takes courage. It takes surrender. Sometimes we get so caught up in the frustration that we stop. Sometimes we get so scared that we don’t step forward. Sometimes we get so overwhelmed that we can’t even think or figure out what is next. During this process, I just kept saying ‘I know I need to do this’. I don’t know how it’s going to work or why, I just know I need to do this. I’m surrendering to the book that needs to be expressed. I’m surrendering to expressing what wants to be expressed even though I don’t know how it’s going to work. In so many ways, this is what life is about! We are asked to step forward and surrender.

Are you willing to step forward even when it feels uncomfortable?
Have you had great success when you stepped through the pain and frustration?
What helps you move forward even though you are scared?